Should A Man Borrow Money From His Girlfriend

Financial talks tin be uncomfortable to have in whatever situation (just think about how we tiptoe around discussing our salaries at work!). But when you're dating someone you care about, money convos can be even more than awkward to take with them. This is especially truthful if you find yourself in a situation where you demand to ask your partner for coin... or vice versa. Yikes.

Of course, while every situation and relationship is different—and at that place'due south no correct reply for how to have these kind of talks—take solace in the fact that yous're non lone if you call back they're touchy.

In fact, consider the opinions of these xiii twentysomething men and women, who get real about loaning or being loaned money by their partners:

i. "I call back asking your partner for money can be a very slippery slope. In the past, I had a partner who needed money, and would make me experience guilty for having my family financially support me. I was too uncomfortable talking nigh our different fiscal situations, and then I'd merely pay for everything by default. If I mentioned him paying for something or getting a total-time task, he'd human activity like it was no big deal for me to pay since information technology wasn't my coin. Information technology'due south uncomfortable, but now I ever talk with my partner near our financial situations upfront."—Lauren, 24

2. "I call up borrowing money from a partner can exist a nifty opportunity— both for the giver to experience helpful, and for the recipient to evidence that they're trustworthy and conscientious. When I was really broke in college, I had to reluctantly infringe $fifty from my young man of six months and so that I could eat that calendar week — I paid him back inside the month. It made him feel good to aid me out, really saved me in the moment, and definitely brought united states of america closer." —Sophie, 24

3. "In most cases, if at that place's another friend or family unit member that can help you out instead, it's not a good idea. A few years ago, I had the opportunity to 'claim' a pretty large windfall of money, but wouldn't have been able to cash out the funds for a while. This money also came with a huge tax bill upfront that I didn't have the money to pay. My girlfriend of merely over a twelvemonth had worked in finance for many years and had quite a bit of coin saved upwards, and agreed to lend me the money at a slightly-below-market place interest rate. I'grand not certain if it changed the dynamic of our relationship for her, but I know I was always worried almost the fact that I was indebted to her. I wasn't certain how we would handle the fact that I even so owed her all of this money if something went wrong in our human relationship. If anything, the fact that I had borrowed money from my partner made me rush to pay back the loan as apace every bit possible."—Michael, 29

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4. "Giving a partner money can totally work out, merely you lot need to view it equally a gift, not a loan. My partner of vii years is in grad schoolhouse, and I've been working full-time for three years at a big tech company. Terminal summer, my boyfriend got accepted to study abroad just had limited funds, so I offered to pay for us to fly there and back—about $5,000. I had the money, then for me information technology was worth it to invest in my partner's educational experience, simply it was the most I've always spent, or given him. With that context, it didn't shift our relationship dynamic much. I have ever been more willing to pay for expensive things I desire us to practise, and after getting burned desperately by a friend in college, I only ever give people coin, I don't practise loans." —Marie, 25

5."I have lent money to past partners and would hope to not do information technology again. I had a girlfriend I lived with who ran into some money issues afterward getting injured, so I offered to encompass her living costs (including hire). At the time, it seemed like there would exist a definitive cease to her financial need, but once she started making money again, it didn't stop. Her eventual five-figure debt kept us tied together longer than we should take been together."—Hannah, 23

six. "Earlier this year I lent my beau around $3k to pay for some taxes he owed (I offered and didn't hesitate to exercise information technology). He didn't want to take it at first, but realized it was meliorate than paying more involvement. I make slightly more than him so I knew that information technology wouldn't hurt me as much if I shelled out the money. Nosotros'd been together iv years so I knew he wouldn't just bail on me without paying, which definitely influenced why I was willing to lend him money. At first I didn't call back our relationship had changed, and at least from my perspective it hasn't, only lately, he e'er brings information technology up a lot because he hasn't finished paying me back. I always assure him that I'm non mad at him for taking so long to pay me back, but he definitely thinks it sucks that he's in this position." — Edna, 24

7. "Back in college, I'd accept to spot my beau all the time for dinner, nutrient, and outings considering he didn't actually have an income. I would just accuse him for stuff on Venmo and so look for him to pay me back when he would get gift coin, financial aid, any. When we eventually broke up, he still owed me around a hundred dollars, merely he paid me dorsum without having to be reminded. I e'er felt it was worth it, and never lent him more than money than I was willing to lose, but I only covered him for stuff we did together. If yous're gonna lend people coin, yous have to be mentally okay with not getting paid dorsum for a long time, or possibly always, because there'south always a take a chance you're never gonna encounter it again. "—Amy, 23

8. "I think every bit long equally you're doing it for things y'all admittedly need and have a plan to pay them dorsum, it's okay. While I was looking for a job, I was really struggling to even buy food sometimes, then my boyfriend would sometimes spot me. I felt so guilty and kept track of every transaction, and made sure he knew I was going to pay him back in one case I figured out my life. He understood though, because he also went through the struggle of looking for a task post-grad. Once I got a chore, I paid him back for everything."—Angelina, 22

9. "My personal advice: Don't exercise it unless you lot're desperate. As someone who has always been more financially successful than my partner, I've often establish myself being too generous and giving. I had one boyfriend I was with for over four years, and I'd wind up paying for most everything when we went out together, and loaning him money when he'd be in a demark. Sometimes he'd pay me back, sometimes he'd 'forget.' I idea it would exist stingy of me to bring it up, and so I never did. I causeless he'd always do the same for me, until the time came that I really needed his help, and he was very reluctant. It completely inverse the dynamic of the human relationship and put this expectation on me to pay for things almost exclusively moving forward. " —Marie, 24

ten. "One time I didn't take enough coin to check my luggage and my carte du jour was declined. I had been hooking up with this guy very casually, and at that place was already a weird dynamic in place with a linguistic communication barrier. I always felt very shy around him. I felt very subordinate with him and guilty asking for money, but he ended helping me out and never asked for coin back. I felt very uncomfortable at first — If I'm a feminist, practise I only pay for myself? Is it okay to accept money from men? Where do I draw the line? Information technology'due south very hard for me to accept money from men but that really changed it for me. When it comes downwards to information technology, a partnership is a partnership. That ways taking care of each other. That goes both means too—if he needed me that way, I'd exist available as well."—Edwina, 25

11. "When I was in college a few years ago, I establish myself unable to pay hire one month because of a car issue. I was very distraught as I knew my parents couldn't help me either. I dreaded even the thought of mentioning it to my partner at the time, but knew I had to inquire because I was desperate. We'd been dating for around half-dozen months at that bespeak, just he came from a very different socioeconomic background than me, so I felt similar he wouldn't understand. He offered me the money, but just if I would agree to sign a contract paired with an interest rate. It was a super dehumanizing experience that was paired with a lot of verbal corruption almost how I was irresponsible. He even went so far as to say that if I really needed money, I should sell my dog. I declined his offer, and thankfully scrambled the cash together elsewhere. Nosotros broke up most one-half a year later, although I wished I had done it sooner."— Jenn, 23

12. "My boyfriend and I have been together for a petty over two years and we live together. I work in an inconsistent, creative field and he's a lawyer at a large bank, so nosotros brand very different money. Last year I was starting off in this new field, and coin was super tight for me. He saw how stressed I was, and offered me coin on about a daily basis. Nosotros'd be watching Goggle box and he'd be like 'do y'all need money?' I always said no, but definitely fabricated concessions in other places. For instance, he pays slightly more of the hire than I practice, and he usually pays when nosotros go out. I think that allows me to nonetheless exist independent. I think if I had accustomed coin from him, I would e'er kind of feel like I owed him, and might feel like I was less than him. I never desire to rely on a man for money and desire to know that if the relationship doesn't work out, I tin take care of myself."—Page, 25

13. "I call up information technology's fine, just only if information technology'south an emergency where they're borrowing short-term, or similar a real 'boyfriend-girlfriend' situation. I was recently asked for around a thousand dollars from a girl I had very casually been hooking upwards with for a month or two. Not but was that way too much money, but the reason she needed the money was so that she could have actress cash on manus for a yacht vacation in Europe. I thought it was totally bogus that she'd ask me and it basically ruined the human relationship."—Daniel, 26

Responses accept been lightly edited for clarity.

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Carina Hsieh Sex activity & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.